In Those Moments of Calm

Everyone keeps saying how proud they are of me. I hear that a lot lately. I’m quitting smoking you see. And the lifestyle. And I’m quitting a toxic relationship. I’m really proud of you they say. I know what they mean. I should feel good about myself for taking on addictions and bad habits, and deleterious interpersonal entanglements, and for fighting and making an effort and trying to change. People love it when other people are trying to change. But I don’t feel good. Because I’m cheating. I don’t need nicotine anymore, even though I miss it constantly like an amputated limb. I don’t need to make the party anymore FOMO having receded. But I can’t quit her.

Let’s mix metaphors.

I’m gliding towards a train wreck while in a dumpster that’s on fire while holding a bag full of angry, wet, cats.

That sounds like a party, or at least a distraction but actually there are quiet moments. I feel the wind, see the stars, and the evening looks so pleasant as I hurl towards certain disaster. In those moments of calm, I’m so, so sad.

I’m leaving. I’m moving on. She’s not mine. Will never be. I remind myself every night. Every day I look at my phone and do what it tells me when her name appears. Answer her call, respond to her text. Take another hit of her and inhale deeply.

I still want you to be proud of me though.

I’m a bit ashamed that I REALLY like a Childish Gambino track

I mean, he named himself via the Wu Tang name generator (link withheld because, c’mon son). For some reason (drinking) I can’t embed this track. Oh well.

But….. yeah. That propulsive beat is hot. Like flame. Anyway. The last track on this mixtape  has a Tina Fey drop on it. Worth hearing actually.

The cause of and solution to all of our problems


“The officer learned Nicholas, the driver, was on parole in Solano County for robbery, and the officer also found evidence of prostitution and pimping in the vehicle” (via)

What could it have been?

The best part of the article is this line though:

“Santa Rosa police arrested a Vallejo man Thursday on suspicion of pimping a woman he recently met on a social media site, a police sergeant said.”

Thanks Zuckernerd!

Dance like no one’s watching

Of all the books in the excellent 33 1/3 series, the only one I’ve managed to read is this one (subtitle: Journey to the end of taste). But it was excellent. I went in, as one does, expecting a no-holds take down of this schmaltzy singer but got a whole lot more. And though indeed Celine is rightly denigrated for her over-emoting and corny act, he roots it in her French-Canadian upbringing. Growing up poor in Montreal, and connecting to the cheesy chansons of her youth.

Plus she’s genuine. Kitsch as all get-out, but she’s not half-assing it. And I think that’s what makes the clip above work for me. This a mashup of course, to the boring song of the Spring that has captivated the internet, (the original was some ungodly Saturday Night Fever homage she thought was necessary). But look at how she goes all- in. No shame, not (apparently) concerned about her image. If you were a fan, you’d definitely get your money’s worth if you went to her show. It’s more than a paycheck to her. It’s who she really is. In sports we say she left it all on the field. So salute! Celine. I still don’t like your music, but I think I get your appeal.

The worst thing you can call someone

As I’ve said before, they see racism not as a behavior or utterance but as an existential state, and since racists are bad people and they are not bad people, they cannot be guilty of racism. – L’hote

This, in a sentence, explains so well why lately it seems that being called a racist is worse than the racist action that precipitated the accusation.

When you argue on their terms you concede the point

“The problem with people who argue for inherent racial inferiority is not that they lie about the results of IQ tests, but that they are credulous about those tests and others like them when they shouldn’t be; that they misunderstand the implications of what those tests would indicate even if they were credible; and that they fail to find the moral, analytic, and political response to questions of race and intelligence.” 

…the tests have a validity problem in that they don’t correspond well to what we typically mean when we discuss “intelligence” in a lived sense, and a reliability problem in that the consistently perceived racial differences are not reflections of actual differences in intelligence but of systemic biases that render the metrics flawed. (via L’hote, someone everyone should be reading.)



These are the different kinds of Mountain Dew that are currently being produced.

Caffeine-Free Diet
Code Red
Diet Code Red
Baja Blast
White Out
Game Fuel Cherry-Citrus
Passionfruit Frenzy (New Zealand only)
Grape (Japan and New Zealand only)

It’s actually a smaller list than I thought it would be when i looked it up.