Vowels are the height of bourgeoisie fecklessness

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Since i’m so interested lately in jobs i of course stumbled across this handy guide to never having to work again. (Not that I’m actually looking for a job because, I might actually find one) It all makes so much sense. If you have a job all your income comes from one place – if you lose that, you’re screwed! You can live anywhere! You should have less than 100 things! 

Wait, what? 

Oh it’s that. Minimalism, or as they like to call it when they’re being haughty, voluntary simplicity. The bastard offspring of green living and white privilege, the Minimalism trend is a perfect New Thing for our Eat, Pray, Love era. On websites with plenty of black text on clean white backgrounds with disemvoweled all lowercase names like mnmlist, they insist that this movement isn’t just for wealthy people with a surfeit of Apple products no matter what a Google image search says

One practitioner even goes so far as to include the total list of his possessions, leaving out of course a lot of his possessions because then he couldn’t claim to own 57 things. 

57things

Not listed: College Degree, Comfortable Suburban Childhood

The MacBook Pro Cleaning Cloth (TM)? Ten years ago this guy used to wear those blue collar work shirts embroidered with the name of someone who actually worked for a living. Forgetting the obvious criticism that billions (literally) of people around the world don’t even have 57 things, this whole endeavor is somehow perfect for 21st century America. It feigns a self-reflection that is actually not there.  The haves-who-pretend-to-have-not are like the Vegans of Consumption, making everyone around them want to go to Target and fill up two shopping carts.  Only middle minded NY Times columnists try to equate a philosophical position from purchases and/or possessions. 

Fine. I won’t buy anything. Just your books.
Everything

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