Jesus would have totally rocked a keffiyeh

Christianity has always been best understood as a top down, centralized, for profit operation. Well apparently they’ve been losing marketshare for years now, and so they’ve done what any self-respecting corporation would do, rebrand. 

Lately this has meant hipster or indie culture, or whatever you want to call it. It’s almost charming when you look at a band like Arcade Fire, The Rend Collective Experiment (a group of confused 20 somethings trying to figure out life, God and community)

Rendcollective

I mean look at them with their bright colors, scarves, ugly dresses, and child instruments. I don’t think Madison Avenue could have done any better when casting for their next Volkswagen campaign. The music is a dreadful mix of earnest lyrics (“I want to soar with you) and completely nondescript music. You can’t even get offended by it. The video is a cloying masterpiece of treacle matter. It is so cutesy, and self-consciously playful that they make OK Go look dark and moody.  But this is the new thing apparently: 

Xtian1
(from a Christianity Today article entitled, I shit you not, Hipster Faith)

This drive to remain relevant has breed some interesting hybrids since time continues to move on and styles change. Now instead of Benny Hinn racking up a massive body count of the faithful laid out in ecstatic fervor after his healing touch, today’s Nu Xian demands authenticity. Pastors with neck tats giving new hips to the flock!  Twitters! Helvetica! 

Xtian2

(same article as above)

But it doesn’t stop there. They’ve gone to where the kids are at! Since they spend all their time computering, they’ve adapted the web to meet their own needs. Conservapedia, home to the largest collection of birther and ground zero mosque articles is self-described as “an English-language wiki project written from an American conservative Fundamentalist Christian viewpoint.”

The real triumph isn’t that now mouth breathers have their own little corner of the interweb, but that they have somehow managed to create an irony free space on the internet.  For instance did you know that E=MC(squared) is a liberal conspiracy (Einstein was a big old Jew after all)? It’s true! Check the link for the full details but I’ll summarize it anyway: Jesus performed magic, therefore your science is wrong. 

Well good luck with this Christians. I hope this works out for you, but mind the Gap

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