Horrible People

(pic is unrelated)

Last night I was convinced the blankets were being stolen from me. All night I kept tugging and pulling and doing alligator roles with the blanket hoping to get back my fair share. When I awoke however, the sheets were on the the floor on my side of  the bed and my bed was shivering. I felt badly. I was the horrible person. 

But haters love company so I scoured the world wide web for people worse than me. 

First bad mothers: 

Authorities in Texas have charged a Dallas woman with forcing her 6-year-old daughter to repeatedly videotape her in recent months having group sex. Oh dear. 

Those men clearly do not suffer from stage fright. There is nothing good about this story, but at least in a few years they’ll be buying lap dances from this child. (Too far?)

Moving on.

Merlinda Nunez, 39, will spend the next three years in prison.In September of 2009, Nunez was charged with child abandonment for putting her 3-year-old granddaughter outside because she didn’t want to hear her cry anymore.Then two months later, Nunez found herself in handcuffs again for her involvement in cocaine trafficking. Amazing

This story has everything. She’s a 39 year old grandmother and cocaine trafficker. What does your nana traffic in? Doilies and treacly bromides? Shit gets real in Texas. 

Let’s keep going shall we?

Remember the high-tech lynching of Clarence Thomas? Liberals and feminazi’s were all up in a tizzy just because he was flirting with Anita Hill? Some men drunkenly text you pictures of their junk, and some people leave pubic hairs on cans of coke. It’s all in the game yo. Don’t hate the player…etc. Well one gentleman from the noble city of Fullerton California has possibly elevated the art of seduction to new heights. 

Michael Kevin Lallana, a 32-year-old financial executive from Fullerton, California jerked off in a co-worker’s water bottle at least twice because he had the hots for her. 

I know what you’re thinking. How does inseminating a water bottle lead to a successful courtship? See it’s like this:

….

….

I got nothing. 

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